It started when my daughter, Samantha, was born 16 months ago. After two sleepless nights, the nurses and my husband urged me to send her to the hospital nursery so I could get some shut-eye. Deep down I knew it was best, but I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt — how could I abandon my newborn daughter?

That was just the beginning. During the months that followed, I was ashamed letting my husband, who had work the next day, help with night feedings. I panicked that I wasn't giving Samantha enough tummy time. Even now, I feel bad if I feed her grilled cheese two days in a row.

Apparently, I'm not alone. "So many devoted moms think that no matter what they do for their children, it's not enough — and our culture plays into that insecurity," says Susan Douglas, Ph.D., coauthor of The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women. But you can end the self-flagellation. Here, the top reasons that new moms feel guilty, and what you can do to get beyond it.

You're more than a mom
"Moms today believe that they should be focused on their babies like a laser beam, so when they take a moment for themselves, they feel like they're being neglectful," notes Douglas. For many women, coffee with a friend or even a shower can be enough to ignite feelings of guilt. Lindsey Coffman of Springfield, Missouri, says she often puts off eating lunch until her daughter, Darby, takes her afternoon nap — which can be as late as 3 p.m. "If Darby needs help coloring or wants me to read a book to her, I feel like it's more important to do that than to eat."

Health Care for Baby

One of the most important things you need to do before giving birth is decide on a doctor for your baby. Don't wait until after you baby is born to choose a pediatrician! Babies need frequent check-ups, shots and sometimes get sick. So you'll want to find a doctor you like and trust.

Some tips on choosing a pediatrician include:

• Call your health insurance company for a list of doctors covered under your plan.
• Find out where they trained and how long they've been in practice. Some insurance companies and hospitals have this information. Details on some doctors can be found on the DoctorFinder on the website of the American Medical Association.
• Request an interview with the pediatricians you like best.
• Find out about their office hours and how they handle concerns and emergencies after office hours.
• Talk with other parents for referrals.

To get regular check-ups and important vaccines, your baby will need health insurance. If you're worried about paying for health care, there are programs for women and children in need.

Fertility Awareness

The Menstrual Cycle

Being aware of your menstrual cycle and the changes in your body that happen during this time can be key to helping you plan a pregnancy, or avoid pregnancy. During the menstrual cycle (a total average of 28 days), there are two parts: before ovulation and after ovulation.

• Day 1 starts with the first day of your period.

• Usually by Day 7, a woman's eggs start to prepare to be fertilized by sperm.

• Between Day 7 and 11, the lining of the uterus (womb) starts to thicken, waiting for a fertilized egg to implant there.

Your Mommy Body
A head-to-toe guide to the changes — and what you can do about them

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By Jeannie Ralston from parenting.com

I was getting out of the shower recently and did something I normally don't dare do. I took a glance at my body in the mirror. The glance turned into a stare.

My body, once so lithe and lean, looked shockingly like the lumpy, droopy bodies of older women I used to pity smugly in locker rooms. What happened? I thought.

Kids are what happened. Ever since my body endured two pregnancies, childbirth, and nursing, it's never been quite the same, even now, eight years later. "Creating a baby and giving birth, your body has gone through some remarkable changes," says Iffath Hoskins, M.D., an obstetrician in Savannah. "Many parts of your body will revert back to normal, but not everything. After kids, your body redefines what normal is."

Preterm Labor and Birth: A Serious Pregnancy Complication
What you need to know: Preterm labor is labor that occurs before your 37th week of pregnancy. (Most pregnancies last 38-42 weeks; your due date is 40 weeks after the first day of your last menstrual period.) Preterm labor can happen to any woman: Only about half the women who have preterm labor fall into any known risk group. About 12 percent of births (1 in 8) in the United States are preterm. Babies who are born preterm are at higher risk of needing hospitalization, having long-term health problems and of dying than babies born at the right time. Three groups of women are at greatest risk of preterm labor and birth:

* Women who have had a previous preterm birth * Women who are pregnant with twins, triplets or more * Women with certain uterine or cervical abnormalities

Preterm labor may sometimes be stopped with a combination of medication and rest. More often, birth can be delayed just long enough to transport the woman to a hospital with a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and to give her a drug to help speed up her baby�s lung development.

Preparing Your Home for a Special Delivery: Feng Shui, Baby!
By Angela Scott

With the baby due in less than two months, time for completing the nursery is winding down. Although every piece of décor has been meticulously placed, something isn't quite right. You circle the room, checking and double-checking for beloved baby shower gifts or possibly missing trinkets passed down from the in-laws. But everything is in its place. Eggshell walls match perfectly with the crib's soft yellow layette. The multicolored animal mobile hanging above the changing table and bright red toy chest are definite visual stimulators. Maybe the nursery is fine, but the rest of the house is in disarray, says Laura Forbes Carlin, co-author of The Peaceful Nursery: Preparing a Home for Your Baby with Feng Shui (Bantam Dell, 2005). "If the energy flow is off balance, then the environment feels all wrong. It's like you feel it instinctively," says Carlin, who, along with her sister and co-author, Alison Forbes, are owners of an interior design consulting company called The Art of Everyday Living.

Food-Safety Cheat Sheet

For moms-to-be: what's okay, and what to avoid

By Stephanie Wood

Raw/undercooked foods the issue: Some raw foods can cause listeriosis, salmonellosis, and other illnesses that may lead to miscarriage or serious health problems for your baby. what's okay: Well-done meats, poultry, and fish; vegetarian sushi; deli meats (cold cuts) and hot dogs that have been reheated to steaming in a microwave; canned or shelf-stable pâtés and meat spreads. what to avoid: Any of the above items that have not been cooked to the proper temperature; raw sprouts (including radishes); raw shellfish; raw eggs.

Fish the issue: Certain fish may contain high levels of mercury, which can contribute to developmental delays. Farm-raised fish may be contaminated with PCBs (cancer-causing agents) and other toxins. what's okay: You can safely consume up to 12 ounces a week of wild salmon (not farm-raised), sea bass, shrimp, sole, snapper, flounder, catfish, cod, haddock, sardines, tilapia, ocean perch, and pollack. Restrict tuna consumption to the "chunk light" canned variety and no more than six ounces a week. Canned or shelf-stable salmon is safe. what to avoid: Swordfish, shark, king mackerel, tilefish, and fresh (as well as canned albacore) tuna; raw sushi and raw shellfish; refrigerated smoked seafood such as lox, trout, and whitefish (unless cooked as an ingredient in another dish).

Amniotic Fluid Abnormalities

The amniotic fluid that surrounds a developing baby plays a crucial role in normal development. This clear-colored liquid cushions and protects the baby and provides it with fluids. By the second trimester, the baby is able to breathe the fluid into his lungs and to swallow it, promoting normal growth and development of the lungs and gastrointestinal system. Amniotic fluid also allows the baby to move around, which aids in normal development of muscle and bone. The amniotic sac that contains the embryo forms about 12 days after conception. Amniotic fluid immediately begins to fill the sac. In the early weeks of pregnancy, amniotic fluid consists mainly of water supplied by the mother. After about 12 weeks, fetal urine makes up most of the fluid. The amount of amniotic fluid increases until about 28 to 32 weeks of pregnancy, when it measures a little less than 1 quart. After that time, the level of fluid generally stays about the same until the baby is full term (about 37 to 40 weeks), when the level begins to decline. In some pregnancies, however, there may be too little or too much amniotic fluid. These conditions are referred to as oligohydramnios and polyhydramnios, respectively. Both can sometimes cause problems for mother and baby or be a sign of other problems. However, in the majority of cases, the baby is born healthy. Here’s what expectant parents should know about these disorders.

Food-borne Risks in Pregnancy

When a pregnant woman eats right, she helps ensure that her baby gets all the nutrients needed for healthy growth and development.

A healthy, well-balanced diet includes: protein foods (meats, poultry, fish, beans); grains (cereals, bread, pasta, rice); dairy products (milk, cheese); fruits and vegetables. Most of these foods are safe and should be part of a healthy pregnancy diet.

However, there are a few foods—including certain fish, some soft cheeses, ready-to-eat meats and raw sprouts—that may pose risks during pregnancy. A pregnant woman should be aware of these risks, so she can choose the safest foods to nourish herself and her baby. Which fish are unsafe to eat in pregnancy? Fish provides plenty of protein and some vitamins, and is low in fat. For these reasons, most types of fish are good choices for a healthy diet. However, a March 2004 advisory from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) recommends that pregnant women, women who could become pregnant, nursing mothers and young children avoid eating certain types of fish that are high in mercury.1 These include shark, swordfish, king mackerel and tilefish. According to the FDA/EPA, a pregnant woman can safely eat up to 12 ounces (two average meals) a week of a variety of fish and shellfish that are lower in mercury.1 These include shrimp, canned light tuna, salmon, pollock and catfish. But she should eat no more than 6 ounces (one can) of albacore (white) tuna per week because white tuna has more mercury than canned light tuna. For the same reason, she should limit her consumption of tuna steak to up to 6 ounces per week. By following the above guidelines, a pregnant woman can obtain the health benefits of eating fish, while reducing her baby’s exposure to mercury. High levels of mercury can harm an unborn baby or young child’s developing nervous system. Mercury is a metal that is present naturally in the environment. It also can be released into the air through industrial pollution. When mercury settles into bodies of water, bacteria convert it into a more dangerous form (methylmercury) that accumulates in the fatty tissues of fish. While trace amounts of mercury are present in nearly all types of fish, it builds up most in large predatory fish such as swordfish and sharks. According to the FDA/EPA, women who are pregnant or who could become pregnant should check local advisories about the safety of fish caught by family and friends in local waters. This information is generallly available from local and state health departments and the EPA. If no advice about a particular location or kind of fish is available, limit consumption to less than 6 ounces (one average meal) a week of fish caught in local waters, and don’t eat any other fish during that week.1 Some game fish (including bluefish, striped bass, salmon, trout and northern and walleyed pike) may be contaminated by mercury and other industrial pollutants such as PCBs (polychlorinated biphenyls). Some studies suggest that exposure to high levels of PCBs before birth may contribute to learning problems, decreased IQ and reduced birthweight.2

Dalai Mama Written By Catherine Newman

A busy mother learns to get her mind off the to-do list and into the here and now of raising kids. At a red light recently, I got to witness, from my car, the very incarnation of earthly bliss: a dog — a gigantic, shaggy mutt — rolling on his back in a snowbank, his head thrown back in joy, the tongue lolling from his doggy smile while snow flew up in a delirious cloud around him. Such a splendid spectacle! My heart filled with delight. And yet there on the curb was the dog's oblivious owner, facing the other direction. The man spoke into a cell phone and tugged crossly on the dog's leash, waiting to move ahead, waiting to be somewhere else. I experienced the full, smug weight of my disapproval — "That poor fool!" — until it occurred to me that dozens of strangers every day might watch me with my children and feel the same way about me. They might catch me scanning the aisles for cheaper Oaties while my rosy 2-year-old smiles up at me — unseen — from the shopping cart, her eyes on my face like moonbeams. Or they might notice me checking my watch while my 5-year-old son stops to look up at the twilit sky and snowflakes fall around him, as glorious as a flock of tiny angels. They might see me doing the mental equivalent of channel surfing while life, as beautiful and riveting as anything a person could ever hope to find, spreads itself out around me. Jon Kabat-Zinn would have parents like me put down the remote control and refocus on this miraculous show, the one that's on now and always — to notice, as he puts it, that "the utterly ordinary is utterly extraordinary." Kabat-Zinn is a researcher in the Eastern concept of a mind-body connection and founder of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine at the University of Massachusetts Medical School; he's a kind of East-West mixer, working to integrate meditation practices into more prevailing lifestyles and health care. It's true that much of Kabat-Zinn's thinking is distilled from Zen Buddhism, but don't worry — he's not sitting peacefully on a mountaintop in his saffron robes while you scrub mashed banana from your pajamas. He's a parent too, of three kids no less, and his years of experience working in society's mainstream have helped him distill deep, centuries-old spiritual philosophy into a deceptively simple premise: Pay attention to this moment, now.