By Allison Winn Scotch -- Women's Health Magazine
We all forget to drop off the dry cleaning, where we left those blasted car keys, and if we already put on deodorant for the day. Brain atrophy already? I know the feeling well. My mind used to be sharper than the scent of patchouli at a Phish concertuntil my son was born. For the past year, I've been blaming my scattered self on "mommy brain" until I learned that women actually become sharper after they give birth. Recent research from the University of Richmond found that the brain cell structures vital for communication double during pregnancy and that postdelivery the pathways to the hippocampus (where learning and memory are focused) are redefined and more efficient. Crap. There goes that theory. That's why I enlisted the help of a few experts like all-time Jeopardy! champ Ken Jennings (after all it's hard to forget a guy who won $3 million) to tell me their best memory-boosting tricks — and tried them out myself.
BRAIN BOOSTER Focus on What Fascinates
My father is a brain surgeon, so I've spent most of my life bombarded with talk of aneurysms, cerebrums, and hypothalamuses. Not that I can remember any of it. So when my dad asked me to attend a talk on his latest research, I challenged myself to retain some of it. The problem? I find science so damn dull.
"If you think something is boring, you just haven't been hearing the right facts about it," says Jennings, author of a book on the phenomenon due out in October 2006. "Try to explain ballet to people who hate it and they'll be bored stiff. But they might be a little more interested if you told them about the 1913 premiere of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, where the audience actually rioted because the music and choreography were so shockingly modern." Or just make the information at hand more relevant to your life or the lives of your listeners to maintain attention span.
Even the most devoted moms and dads often overlook some of these — or feel that they're the opposite of what a loving parent should do. But each is important in its own way. Here's why you should give your baby...
...more sleep
Quick: How much shut-eye does the average baby need? Many parents guess it's 8 to 12 hours per day, but it's actually more like 14 to 16, including naps, for infants up to age 1, says Juan Martinez, M.D., director of the sleep lab at Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital, in Hollywood, Florida. This misunderstanding can lead to babies who are as sleep-deprived as the rest of us.
Sure, it's tempting to try to keep that dozing cutie awake for his aunt's visit. But helping your child to snooze without interruption as often as possible is worth it. Jennifer Winn of Spring Lake, New Jersey, sometimes has to cancel her 2-year-old's playdate if her 10-month-old is overtired. "It's not easy, but I think it's really important that he have his rest," she says.
She's right. A child must be well rested to be receptive to new experiences. So know the signs that your baby needs more shut-eye. "Instead of acting drowsy, he may be irritable and hyper," Dr. Martinez says.
Setting a sleep schedule, especially once your child is at least 6 months old, is a good way to make sure he's getting enough rest. Make naptimes and bedtimes as consistent as possible, and build in a cushion of time beforehand to help him unwind you can try showing him a book, rocking him, or giving him a warm bath before bed.
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If you really want to get rid of your pregnancy paunch, you need to strengthen the innermost layer of abs, the transverse muscles, says Julie Tupler, R.N., author of Maternal Fitness. Her new DVD, Lose Your Mummy Tummy (available at Maternalfitness.com), features exercises designed to close up a diastasis — a separation in the central abdominal muscle that can occur when your belly expands during pregnancy. Here's one exercise to get you started:
It started when my daughter, Samantha, was born 16 months ago. After two sleepless nights, the nurses and my husband urged me to send her to the hospital nursery so I could get some shut-eye. Deep down I knew it was best, but I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt — how could I abandon my newborn daughter?
That was just the beginning. During the months that followed, I was ashamed letting my husband, who had work the next day, help with night feedings. I panicked that I wasn't giving Samantha enough tummy time. Even now, I feel bad if I feed her grilled cheese two days in a row.
Apparently, I'm not alone. "So many devoted moms think that no matter what they do for their children, it's not enough — and our culture plays into that insecurity," says Susan Douglas, Ph.D., coauthor of The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women. But you can end the self-flagellation. Here, the top reasons that new moms feel guilty, and what you can do to get beyond it.
You're more than a mom
"Moms today believe that they should be focused on their babies like a laser beam, so when they take a moment for themselves, they feel like they're being neglectful," notes Douglas. For many women, coffee with a friend or even a shower can be enough to ignite feelings of guilt. Lindsey Coffman of Springfield, Missouri, says she often puts off eating lunch until her daughter, Darby, takes her afternoon nap — which can be as late as 3 p.m. "If Darby needs help coloring or wants me to read a book to her, I feel like it's more important to do that than to eat."
Many excited expectant parents waste thousands of dollars on baby items they don't need. Here's how to wise up early and find just the essentials for less.
By Liz Pulliam Weston
Before I tell you how to save bundles of money while preparing for a baby, I must make a confession.
We've spent more than we planned in the months leading up to the birth of our first child. Way more.
What to look for in a bra
- Good support
- Deep band beneath the cups
- Wide shoulder straps
- Adjustable closure (back-fastening bras give you more flexibility to adjust than front-fastening bras)
- Avoid under wire bras
Sensitive and tender breasts: Hormones in your body are preparing your breasts for lactation. The milk ducts are growing and being stretched as they fill with milk early in pregnancy. All this causes your breasts to be more sensitive, particularly your nipples. This can be a bonus for your sex life or can cause you discomfort.
Colostrum: This is known as pre-milk, which is a sweet and watery fluid that is easy to digest. During your second trimester your breasts will begin to produce colostrum. Colostrum appears thick and yellow at first and as birth draws near it becomes pale and almost colorless. Colostrum will provide your baby with his first few meals before your milk comes in. Discharge may occur at any time, when your breasts are massaged, or when sexually stimulated. There is no need to be alarmed when this happens and there is no need to worry if it does not happen. Women who do not experience discharge in pregnancy still produce and provide milk for their baby.
What about breast cancer?
Continuing with self-breast exams during pregnancy is important. Unfortunately during pregnancy it is more difficult to accomplish because of all the changes your breasts are going through. Your breasts are growing in size, are tender, and sometimes may even be lumpy due to all the preparations for your baby. It is still important for you to exam your breasts during pregnancy every 4-5 weeks.
Very common lumps found among women during pregnancy are clogged milk ducts. These are red, tender-to-the-touch, hard lumps in your breasts. Warm compresses (running warm water over your breasts in the shower or applying a warm wash cloth) and massage, will probably clear the duct up in a few days. If you are unsure of any new lump, tell your doctor on your next visit. Keep in mind breast cancer is rare among women younger than 35.
If you are planning on having a baby and are over the age of 35, you may want to consider asking your doctor about a mammogram before you get pregnant.
Permission to republish granted to Julie Snyder. All rights reserved and protected under all International Treaties and Agreements such as the Berne Convention.
By Deborah Davis
When I meet a pregnant teen, I usually smile. I may offer congratulations, or, if we get into a longer conversation, ask how she's doing. I don't scowl at young-looking mothers when I see them in the grocery store, in the park, or at the bus stop. I offer help lifting a stroller onto the bus if it looks like help is needed, or pay a compliment to the mother about her parenting or about her child. A young woman carrying a new life in her belly or on her hip gives me a sense of hope.
Our media abounds with dire statistics about the pregnant girls who don't finish high school and the likelihood of repeat pregnancies. So, why do I act kindly toward pregnant teens? Why do I feel optimistic? Don't I worry that she and her child will have a difficult time?
In my experience, I've learned that a little kindness and support goes a long way in helping young mothers to succeed. For the past four years I collected written stories from hundreds of women who are or were teen mothers and then compiled 35 of the stories in a book. The women wrote about the positive side of young parenting: how being a teen mother can mean having lots of energy, an open mind, a willingness to learn, and a great capacity to achieve as well as to love. And many described how crucial it was for them to have some degree of family support.
Young mothers have a lot to offer everyone who knows, loves, works, or studies with a pregnant or parenting teen. Below, I will share some of what I learned from them. While much of this information will apply whether the pregnant young woman is your daughter, your relative, or your friend, to simplify the writing I will refer to her as a daughter.
How to respond when your teenage daughter tells you she is pregnant
Donna Dahlquist, a social worker who became a mom in her teens, says that when someone tells you she is having a baby, no matter what her age or how rough you think it's going to be for her, "look her in the eye, smile, and say, 'Congratulations.' And if at all possible, you should mean it." If you're not sure how the young woman views her pregnancy, you can ask, "How are you feeling about it?" After she responds, you'll know whether to offer congratulations or something else in keeping with her mood.
Hearing "I'm pregnant" may be a shock to you. It may even be one of the last things you wanted to hear. You might find yourself reeling, recalling all the negative things you've ever heard about teen parents. You may feel a deep sense of disappointment, sorrow, or fear as you struggle to let go of the future you've imagined for your daughter and replace it with the one you're picturing now. Reel if you must, but take note: the latest academic studies indicate that while teen parents often have a rough start, eventually they do just fine.
If your daughter has just found out about the pregnancy, she may be in shock, too. Girls get pregnant under all kinds of circumstances, but often what led to the pregnancy was some sort of failure: of birth control, of self-esteem, of a lack of comprehensive sex education, of communication, of respect. While it may be important to talk to her about what led to the pregnancy, analyzing the situation right away may seem insensitive to her and should probably come later.
Listen carefully to everything your daughter has to say. She may be scared, excited, or both. She may be more terrified of your reaction than she is of the pregnancy itself. She might be deeply confused about what to do about the pregnancy. Or she may be excited but afraid to express her excitement to you. Whatever your relationship has been like, you now have an opportunity to build or rebuild trust. It's fine to share your own feelings honestly, but be careful not to overwhelm her with your own fears or harsh judgments. She's probably got plenty of her own! Give her time to talk. It's a good time to find out how she's doing, how she's feeling, and to just absorb the news. Respectfully ask for information: how did she confirm the pregnancy? Has she had any prenatal care? How is the father of the baby reacting to the pregnancy? And a crucial question: What kind of support does she think she will need from you? She may not know yet-and you may not be able to answer yet, even if she does. But it's helpful to raise the question, so both of you can begin to think about it.
Once you're over your initial reaction...
Especially early in the pregnancy, your daughter may be considering a variety of options-keeping the baby, abortion, or adoption. While you may have strong feelings about what your daughter should do, she must be free to make her own decision. If she is uncertain, she might find it helpful to consult with a counselor, or, if she has a strong religious affiliation, with a rabbi, priest, or minister. Don't be surprised if you find that you need to get some counseling for yourself. If it's hard for you to let her make her own choice, you may need to talk about your feelings with your own counselor. If your daughter is in her second or third trimester, abortion is less of an option, but she may still need time to consider her other choices. Some young women do not decide until they go into labor or even after the baby is born what they wish to do. Legally, she has a right to decide. Coercing her into a decision that she may later regret could result in a breach in your relationship with her that could be very difficult to mend.
Depending on her age, level of maturity, the involvement of the baby's father, and other factors, she may need you to assist her with a number of things: setting up and driving her to counseling or prenatal appointments or, if she's interested in ending the pregnancy, to an appointment at a clinic that does abortions.
Making a plan -- one for her, one for you
Maybe you are thinking, "This pregnancy will change everything and I can't (or won't) change my life to accommodate the needs of a young baby in our family." In my experience, most parents of pregnant teens find that the months of pregnancy are as important for their own adjustment and preparations as they are for the new mom. What should you continue to do as her parent? What should you step back from, leaving her to take on more responsibility?
Assess carefully what you can offer your daughter in the way of support. Can you help financially? If so, to what degree? Can she continue to live with you? If she's been living away from the house and wants to come back, can that work for you? Even on a trial basis? Some parents wouldn't want their daughter to live anywhere else; others feel strongly that it's time to live separately. Maybe your time is limited: can you offer rides to appointments several times a month? Or accompany her to a childbirth preparation class, if the father of the baby is not involved? After the baby is born, can you watch the baby one day, one half-day, or one hour a week? Let her know what time you have available; let her choose how she wants to utilize that time. Most pregnant young women understand that their parents already have a lot of responsibility on their hands and appreciate whatever they can offer. The more you clarify what she can and cannot expect from you, the easier it will be between you. Many parents find, once they see their daughter taking on new responsibilities and once they meet their new grandchild, that they want to do more for their newly expanded family.
Your daughter will need her own plan, separate from yours. In her story titled "A Journey to Self", Chris Vitale, a former teen mother and registered nurse with 24 years experience working with children and teens, tells how on her first day attending a school for pregnant girls, the director asked her what her plans were.
One of the most important things you need to do before giving birth is decide on a doctor for your baby. Don't wait until after you baby is born to choose a pediatrician! Babies need frequent check-ups, shots and sometimes get sick. So you'll want to find a doctor you like and trust.
Some tips on choosing a pediatrician include:
To get regular check-ups and important vaccines, your baby will need health insurance. If you're worried about paying for health care, there are programs for women and children in need.
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